The boys decided to sleep in way late today. I can usually set a clock by them. Just about everyday they arise at 7:15. Turner is usually the first up (or at lease the first I hear) and I let them slowly wake up. By about 7:30 they are usually standing in their cribs jabbering back and forth, so I make my way up to get them.
Today, however, I went to get them at 8:45! Jaxson had been up here and there since about 7:30, but since he wasn't making any noise (he didn't even sit up until 8:30), I just let them be. Once I saw him sitting and looking like he was ready to actually get out of bed, I was torn. I sat downstairs for 15 minutes hoping Turner would wake soon. I knew once I went in there, opened the door and unzipped the crib tent, Turner's slumber would be over.
At 8:45, I made my way up. I left the light off and went to Jaxson's bed, unzipped it and got him out. Turner made no sound. So, a little puzzled, I went to Turner's bed and unzipped it...again, nothing. I wasn't too concerned until I placed my hand on his back and could not feel breathing. My heart sank and I really thought I was going to vomit! I shook him and still nothing.
My head was spinning, I had a cry stuck in my throat and our lives flashed before my eyes. I was nervous, scared and freaking out as I grabbed his side and rolled him as quickly as I could from his tummy to his back. His body felt heavier than normal and I was in a slight panic. Then, just as his back hit the mattress he began to cry...thank you Jesus!
I picked him up and held him ever so tight. I was so thankful to just have a breathing, alive baby in my arms (and actually, it was even better because I had 2!). It was a horrible experience, but a great reminder of how precious these little guys are. It took me hours to stop shaking and I don't know that it's something I'll ever forget.
What an amazing reminder moments like this are that we are not in control. These babies are not mine, they are God's and He has a plan for them! He is the one who sustains them; Who sees that they wake each day and ultimately who will take them home when the time comes. I am so very thankful that He allows me to love, protect, nurture and grow these little men. While I am thankful for the reminder that God is in control, I would not be sad if I never had to feel that way again!
Today, however, I went to get them at 8:45! Jaxson had been up here and there since about 7:30, but since he wasn't making any noise (he didn't even sit up until 8:30), I just let them be. Once I saw him sitting and looking like he was ready to actually get out of bed, I was torn. I sat downstairs for 15 minutes hoping Turner would wake soon. I knew once I went in there, opened the door and unzipped the crib tent, Turner's slumber would be over.
At 8:45, I made my way up. I left the light off and went to Jaxson's bed, unzipped it and got him out. Turner made no sound. So, a little puzzled, I went to Turner's bed and unzipped it...again, nothing. I wasn't too concerned until I placed my hand on his back and could not feel breathing. My heart sank and I really thought I was going to vomit! I shook him and still nothing.
My head was spinning, I had a cry stuck in my throat and our lives flashed before my eyes. I was nervous, scared and freaking out as I grabbed his side and rolled him as quickly as I could from his tummy to his back. His body felt heavier than normal and I was in a slight panic. Then, just as his back hit the mattress he began to cry...thank you Jesus!
I picked him up and held him ever so tight. I was so thankful to just have a breathing, alive baby in my arms (and actually, it was even better because I had 2!). It was a horrible experience, but a great reminder of how precious these little guys are. It took me hours to stop shaking and I don't know that it's something I'll ever forget.
What an amazing reminder moments like this are that we are not in control. These babies are not mine, they are God's and He has a plan for them! He is the one who sustains them; Who sees that they wake each day and ultimately who will take them home when the time comes. I am so very thankful that He allows me to love, protect, nurture and grow these little men. While I am thankful for the reminder that God is in control, I would not be sad if I never had to feel that way again!
2 comments:
So sorry for the scare! I've had to swallow my heart a few times, too. Horrible stuff.
WOW... heart still in throat.
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